More crazy Dear Abby letters

Yes, these are real…and were posted in the same day’s paper.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Leon" for a few months. He is smart, cute, ambitious, caring, a great kisser and has a fantastic sense of humor. The problem? He gives new meaning to the phrase, "Got milk?"

Leon still has the remains of the first gallon of milk he ever purchased when he moved into his apartment. (He had overestimated the amount of milk he would consume, and before he knew it, had a gallon in his fridge that was three weeks past its expiration date.) Time passed, and still it remained there. Soon it was 6 months old and a novelty.

Abby, Leon has kept this container of milk through two roommates, three girlfriends, seven jobs and two refrigerators. It will soon be five years. He seems to have formed some sort of sentimental attachment to it. Can it still be classified as -- milk? Leon is entertained by the reaction he gets when people hear about it, and even has a blog about it with a picture.

If our relationship is to get serious, I see a "me or the milk" ultimatum in our future. Is it asking too much for him to leave his life of keeping expired dairy, or should I cut my losses and seek a dairy-free bachelor? Or should I just accept it as a souvenir or a pet? -- LACTOSE INTOLERANT IN OREGON

Uck. I mean, what happens to milk after 5 years?? Does it continue down the path of spoiling? What happens after it clumps? How bad does that smell? Or does it plateau off, and become a solid, like fat does?
Here’s another one:

DEAR ABBY: My precious Mitzy went to the neighbor's house to socialize. She primped for nearly two hours, and even though she is of humble breeding, I thought she looked stunning. But when she pranced over to see Adonis, he ignored her! She swayed her hips to entice him, but finally became discouraged and returned home. I held her in my lap to soothe her and gave her a bowl of warm milk.

Later that week, Adonis' master came calling and ordered me to "Keep that tawdry Mitzy away from my fine Adonis!" I politely replied that my Mitzy would be a marvelous catch for his Adonis, and I am encouraging the relationship.

How can I protect Mitzy's heart? Did I do the right thing? -- LOVER OF LOVE

In case you didn’t get this, Mitzy’s a cat. What the hell is wrong with people?? And how on earth, did both these crazy SOBs get their letters printed????

Letter writin fool update....

Update on my phone- its fixed. (see http://winelush.blogspot.com/2007/11/power-of-letter-writing.html) They replaced the screen, basically the whole top part of the flip. From letter writing to getting it back it was done in less than a month, and I took 10 days to put the phone in the Fed Ex box to ship it to them, so it would’ve been just a bit over two weeks if I had done it right away.

See? Next time you have a problem with a product, write a letter- you might be surprised.

Tortured with cookies…one of many ways I don’t want to die

Probably number one, or at least in the top few, of ways I don’t want to die is how Nick Stokes, CSI, almost died in an episode a few years back. It was directed by Quentin Tarantino and thus was great. Anyway, Nick got buried alive in a clear coffin. He was allowed enough air to stay alive for 12 hours, but fire eating ants were able to crawl in.
http://www.cbs.com/primetime/csi/episodes/523/
Yeah. Lets talk about how 1) I don’t like bugs 2) although I’m not particularly claustrophobic, I’m pretty sure I would be if I was buried alive in a coffin and 3) how horrible, to die that slowly. So, that’s pretty much one of the worst ways I can think of to die…other than a recent story at a local school (ok, ok, it’s the school I go to)….

Three men went to James' house to buy marijuana, but two of them grabbed the drugs and fled, leaving the third behind. The suspects held that man, who is in his late teens, and told him he needed to find $400 for the drugs …..The suspects beat the man with a wooden paddle, burned his neck and shoulders with cookies immediately after taking them from the oven, shaved off some of his hair and poured urine over him from a soda bottle.

The whole story: http://www.examiner.com/a-1031731~SIUE_students_accused_of_kidnapping__battery_with_hot_cookies.html

There’s so much fodder in this story I don’t know what to do. A) since when do drug dealers make freshly baked cookies? B) Why did they burn him with cookies and not the PAN ITSELF? C) How stoned do you need to be to think burning someone with cookies is a good idea? D) Why is there a wooden paddle around? Was it a ping pong paddle? Who the hell has a wooden paddle around? E) Why just some of his hair? F) Why is there urine in a soda bottle?

Absolutely insane.

Jammy Jester’s Shiraz

We recently had a very jammy shiraz, Mitolo’s Jester Shiraz. Normally, although we do recognize the fruit in shiraz, most have such an acidic underdone (as mentioned before described as “heartburn wine”) that we don’t like them. However, this one also doesn’t have a lot, if any, “heartburn” and is just pretty jammy. Its from the McLaren Vale region, just like the d’Arenberg. I’m not sure if this is typical of this region, as I could’ve swore I had some that had the typical heartburn feel, but I like it, particularly for $15-17.

Letter Writin' Fool

As some of my friends know, I am a letter writer. If I have an unpleasant experience at a restaurant, store, or with a product, I write a letter. As a side note to those servers out there- I waited tables for 8 years so I certainly give servers every benefit of the doubt and usually, my complaints are not service oriented and I ensure that I say my service was fine. Some make fun, but recently I sent a letter to the CEO of Motorola because my razr phone was blacking out on me, 2 months outside the manufacturer’s warranty period:

Dear Edward Zander,
I recently did a graduate project on Motorola’s logo and culture and during my research I read quite a bit about the company and of course how you were the first “outsider” to run Motorola. I chose Motorola because I wanted to pick a US based company, I own a Razr, and I received my undergraduate degree in Business at ASU and thus lived down the street from Motorola.
I read an interview you did in 2004, regarding how Motorola’s quality and innovation has declined based on the non-urgent culture and how you were hoping to bring Motorola back to the top. You were interested developing the 4-in-1 phones and I have seen that in your new lines. I respect that. I like to see US based companies on top, coming up with the latest and greatest innovations and think its sad that so many of us have gotten used to associating foreign brands, like Sony or Samsung, with quality.
Well, I am sad to say that have owned my Motorola Razr for 14 months and it has started to just “die” at random times. I have to remove the battery and then power it on. I’ve tried master reset and nothing works and its getting worse. I have insurance, of course, and I get a replacement phone for $50, but I think its sad that I have to. I buy insurance so I’m covered if I lose the phone, not because I expect the phone to break on me 2 months outside the manufacturer’s warranty period. I’m eligible for a phone upgrade in a few months and was considering getting the Motorola Razr2, but I don’t think I am. I’ve had better luck with other phones and I’m not alone in my concerns about the Razr lines- I have quite a few friends and business associates who own them and while all of us really loved the slim size, what we want is a innovative phone with good service that is easy to use and doesn’t fail on us when we need it.
I just wanted to let you know how disappointed I am. Hopefully, in trying to be the most innovative and develop the latest and greatest products, you don’t lose sight of making a quality product that at least lasts the typical wireless contract period- 2 years.

I sent that on a Saturday. By Friday, less than one week later, I received a call from Motorola’s customer service. They stated they would fix my phone for free and were emailing me a pre-paid Fed Ex label. Isn’t that astonishing? Less than one week. I doubt the CEO read the letter and said wow, we need to fix that girl’s phone. I’m guessing what happened was that it got routed to the CEO’s office, his executive admin read it and forwarded it to Customer Service, who prioritized simply because it came from the CEO’s office. (not because anyone requested it was rushed)
But still-I’m impressed. Well the phone is on its way there (I had to find a spare phone to use in the interim) and I’ll keep you posted on progress.

Is K-Fed worth $20,000 a month?

Uh no, but I just read this on e! online…

According to financial declarations pertaining to the estranged exes' ongoing custody battle, Federline earned more than $500,000 in 2006, including $3,300 in royalties for "Popo Zao." But after factoring in his business and monthly personal expenses, including $7,500 for rent, $6,000 for security, $5,000 for "entertainment, gifts and vacation," $2,000 per month for clothes, etc., he only made a profit of $7,436.

Thank goodness for the $35,000 he was getting from Spears each month, $15,000 for child support and $20,000 for spousal support.

They said the 20K spousal support was going to expire soon, but the child support will likely go up. Now, I’m all for the child support- and Brittany deserves to fork out someone….girl needs to keep her panties on and get a license!
But really- 20K a month for K-Fed??? So he can keep spending $5K/month for enterainment? Puulleeeeze.