Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Appalling manners

Ok, this latest Dear Abby hit home as both a recent bride and a recent attendee to showers:

DEAR ABBY: A friend and I attended a bridal shower of a friend's daughter. After the young woman opened her gifts, we were escorted to another room where blank note cards were strewn on a coffee table, surrounded by envelopes and stamps. The hostess instructed us to write on these folded cards our names and what we had given the bride-to-be.
The hostess told us to write: "Dear Mary (using our own names, of course), Thank you for the nice afghan" (or whatever we had given), and place the card in one of the envelopes. We were then told to address and stamp the envelopes, but not to seal them so (I assume) the "too busy" bride-to-be could sign her name.
As I foolishly followed these ridiculous instructions, I was tempted to thank myself for the 30-minute drive I had made in each direction to purchase a gift, and the 45-minute drive I made to attend the shower.
How stupid are we going to feel when the "thank-yous," in our own handwriting, show up in the mail? My son says I should refuse the letter.
And do you want to know the "topper"? I asked the bride-to-be before leaving when her wedding was. Get this -- it's in two days. I am not even invited to the wedding!
What's wrong with this generation? Please shed some light on this. Thanks, Abby. I feel better now that I've vented -- stupid, but better. -- FEELING USED IN KANSAS

DEAR FEELING USED: Nothing is wrong with "this generation." What you have described is a family that never learned basic good manners. Rather than an "afghan" -- or whatever your gift was -- the bride-to-be would have been better served to have received a book on etiquette.

Ok, ok. Now, the recent “normal” trend is for the guests to write their name and address on an envelope and leave it with the hostess. I see nothing wrong with this-not a bit-at long as the letter gets sent promptly. At one of my showers, this happened and on the other it didn’t. It wasn’t a big deal to write the addresses down, although I did mix up addresses and sent the wrong thank you notes to two couples. Luckily, I happened to mix up two couples who were getting married in the same year so it was a somewhat funny reminder to them to NOT do what we did. At both showers the shower hostess wrote down who gave me what, but I myself wrote out the thank you cards, which is how it should be done.

I can’t even believe this bride to be would do that…or allow her “hostess” to do it either. That doesn’t “count” as a thank you note. I’m not sure what it counts as, but please, people get some manners. It’s a toss up to which is ruder- inviting people to showers without inviting them to the wedding/reception or this crap. Seriously.

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