Thursday, July 19, 2007

Bus stop confessions

So I've been meaning to start a blog but have been really agonizing over what the first post will be. Its so important, that first post, you know.
So while I do like wine I have no tales of wonder to tell about that; I do however have a tale to tell about a bus stop.
Last Friday I went to Live on the Levee with friends. On the walk back to a friend's car, I needed to stop because my ankle (which has been sprained for 4 weeks) hurt. So, Amy and I stayed at a well lit bus stop in downtown St. Louis while a friend, Jon, went to get his car and pick us up. It was well lit and had a place to sit down, so it was good. He was gone for about 15 minutes. During that 15 minutes we lived a slew of aventures.....
-an Audi convertible drove by and Amy mentioned they were checking us out. I said next time tell me earlier and I'll do this. "This" being massage my breast through my shirt. Amy laughed, said yeah and reached down her shirt too. We're talking maybe a minute, tops, of this breast massage joke. Well, I glance on the street and notice this guy, homeless looking, staring at us. He had totally blended into the wall and we didn't even see him. Well, of course he was oogling us and our boob massaging. He notes we see him and then starts yelling "yeah baby" and what not. We're laughing (and of course at that moment we had stopped the self-fondling jokes)
-then he appears to start coming towards us then changes his mind. Whew!
-some other guy across the street starts to throw something away, looks at us, then takes what he was throwing away out of the trashcan. Not sure what it was-it appeared to be a bag of some sort. Drugs? Gun? Cash? Someone's hand? Empty Big Mac wrappers? We don't know but why would seeing us change his mind? The mystery remains until...
-some random people walk by and ask us for directions to a bar. I feel like saying do we look like we live downtown? We're at a bus stop, presumably to take a bus. But we do know how to get to where they want to go and decide to be nice and tell them. Anyway, by the time they leave the strange Throw Away Guy and the Creepy Maybe Homeless Guy are both nowhere to be seen.
-then a convertible, bigger than a miata, maybe a spyder? drove by and it was decorated like the Mentos wrapper. Yes, it had Mentos on it-all over the car. I don't know if they had any with them, but evidently we didn't need to be Mentos'd. How random. I wonder if what they get paid to drive that car. I mean, it was practically a Mentos package on wheels, not like a small logo on the door.
-More random people walk by and one guy, probably 6'2, 225, who is quite sweaty says they should have a foot race. Which I thought was an odd comment as they were all walking on foot anyway and what other sort of race would they have? A quarters race? Anyway, he sees us and kisses our hands and gives me an impromptu lap dance. Well, thanks guy.
-Then his friend walks by and say "Dang" (like Joe Dirt says it) "what are you ladies doing at the bus stop? You should be all up in my crib". Now, I know there's no sort of grammar dictionary for slang, but that was improper use of "all up in" because its typically negative. "Why you all up in my business man?" Not the way he meant it, I'm sure. They cross the street and Drunk Lap Dance Guy gives a similar dance to a tree on the sidewalk. I feel less special but that is ok.

Then Jon comes to pick us up, not a moment too soon.

No comments: